Being a single mom...

Being a single mom is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Being pregnant you have to deal with everyone's "looks" and stares. Your never really able to enjoy your pregnancy because your "not supposed" to because your not married.

Then after the child is born, you have to deal with the last name issue. Hailey has her dad's last name, which is fine, but again just another hassle to have to correct people when they look for your daughter with your last name and then you get the pause.

You deal with everything yourself, even if the dad is involved, its all on you. Everything from deciding which schools, daycares, how to discipline, everything. You don't really have anyone to bounce ideas off of for a second opinion. And when times are rough, you have to be tough no matter what because you never want your child to see you cry, you don't want them to know anything is wrong.

Then you start to think that maybe you would like to meet someone again. But that is just so scary in itself. Because no longer are you having to just think about yourself in dating but now you have to consider how it is going to effect your child. When is the right time to introduce the guy into her life, will he be good for her, does he fit, does she like him. What if it doesn't?

Then you find someone and everything is great, better than its ever been. You think you've finally found that "perfect" family. You enjoy all the times together, everything from dinners together, to the grocery store (even though it is probably one of the most stressful trips to do with a 2 year old). Even when things are not great they are still good because you've found someone to connect with, to have a person to bounce ideas off, to help you and to lean on.

You just keep praying that this is it, we're happy, this is the way its supposed to be. God has finally brought someone into my life that I'm supposed to be with. You've never been happier. Then out of no where, it comes falling down. Either they are not wanting a "pre-made" family, they just aren't ready for it, or whatever else the case may be.

To be rejected because you have a child is probably the worse pain ever. Because there is nothing you can do. Of course your child comes first, they always will, its just hard to let go of that person you leaned on, you counted on, someone who even just being there made your life easier just by knowing someone else was there. That you weren't doing it all on your own anymore. Then your back to being both mom and dad, having to being the handyman around the house and the cleaning/laundry lady again.

Everyone keeps telling you that everything always works out for a reason. I believe that, just hard to loose that someone who you loved so much. But again, you just have to pick up, because no matter what, you've got someone so small and helpless and who depends on you for everything that makes you keep going. You have no choice. You just cry in the shower and come out with a smile on your face ready for all the hugs and kisses that you need to give.

Being a single mom is the hardest job I've ever done. It's not about you, and that's ok, but you have a lot on your shoulders and its hard to do it alone.